Blogging was a way to learn more about the computer. It did that and so much more. It was through blogging that I met so many great people and it was the jumping off point for me to get out there and start making new friends in the real world rather than living a life through my virtual friends. I started blogging during a period of transition. I had just finished school and my circle of friends were suddenly scattered throughout this enormous country of ours.
My leaving the blogosphere seemed to coincide with several other bloggers also leaving but some remained and I still read their blogs to this day although rarely if ever leaving comments.
Life is once again throwing me a curveball. This one is nasty. I suddenly find myself living in the nightmare that is cancer. Cancer of a loved one. I have experienced life from this side of cancer before. When I was ten I lost my younger brother, Robert to cancer. He was 8 1/2. That is far too young to die. I can't even tell you how that death devasted my family. We survived but barely.
There have been other battles with cancer, some lost and some won, but none that rocked my world in the way his death did.
8 weeks ago my sister's husband woke up with severe pain. Here was a perfectly healthy man suddenly unable to walk. This was followed by 6 weeks of various diagnosis from a herniated disc, to rhumatoid arthritis and finally on December 19th, colon cancer. Ok, not so bad. Our father survived colon cancer at 84! He's now 87 and looks amazing. My frightened inner voice kept whispering, "Dad, never looked like this." On December 20th, my sister was on my doorstep in tears. All I can remember is hugging her and telling her, "Just tell me."
"He's only got weeks."
That was when the real nightmare started. I have discovered it is really difficult to remain agnostic during a nightmare. I have been pleading and begging and screaming at a God I do not believe in. Not for me but for my sister. My sister has always been a strong Christian. It is the only thing we have ever argued about. I felt God damn well should perform a miracle on her behalf.
It was suddenly very important for me to be able to tell Al how much he meant to me. Not so much me personally but for the joy he brought to my sister. They really are the best of what is a partnership. So on December 21 I said everything I needed to. I said good-bye.
On December 21 my parents arrived looking shell shocked. Their tickets had been bought at the end of August at a time when we had no inkling of the kind of Christmas we would be having.
On December 22 my sister's third wedding anniversary my sister and my parents and I were sitting down to eat when an emergency call came from the hospital. They wouldn't tell us anything except we needed to get down there immediately. My sister and I nipped down to the hospital where she was told they had been wrong about the type of cancer. Now we were hearing Burkett's Lymphoma and they were flying him to Vancouver in 2 hours and she could ride along. So that is how they spent their third wedding anniversary, being whisked off to Vancouver where suddenly there was a small glimmer of hope when just two hours ago we thought there was no hope.
This post has already gone one far too long. Before closing I have to give a hand clap out to all the hospital staff both here in Victoria and in Vancouver. They are amazing. Here it is the Christmas season and yes I know cancer does not take a break over the holidays but neither does our health system. I also have to thank all those people that have dropped everything to come out and help. I will definitely be blogging about you. I am in absolute awe from the kindness of friends.
Ok, this post feels a bit scrambled because I wrote it during Christmas but I post it I will and next time I will try and tie up all the loose ends. Blogger has changed their appearance while I was away. I can't find anything!
My leaving the blogosphere seemed to coincide with several other bloggers also leaving but some remained and I still read their blogs to this day although rarely if ever leaving comments.
Life is once again throwing me a curveball. This one is nasty. I suddenly find myself living in the nightmare that is cancer. Cancer of a loved one. I have experienced life from this side of cancer before. When I was ten I lost my younger brother, Robert to cancer. He was 8 1/2. That is far too young to die. I can't even tell you how that death devasted my family. We survived but barely.
There have been other battles with cancer, some lost and some won, but none that rocked my world in the way his death did.
8 weeks ago my sister's husband woke up with severe pain. Here was a perfectly healthy man suddenly unable to walk. This was followed by 6 weeks of various diagnosis from a herniated disc, to rhumatoid arthritis and finally on December 19th, colon cancer. Ok, not so bad. Our father survived colon cancer at 84! He's now 87 and looks amazing. My frightened inner voice kept whispering, "Dad, never looked like this." On December 20th, my sister was on my doorstep in tears. All I can remember is hugging her and telling her, "Just tell me."
"He's only got weeks."
That was when the real nightmare started. I have discovered it is really difficult to remain agnostic during a nightmare. I have been pleading and begging and screaming at a God I do not believe in. Not for me but for my sister. My sister has always been a strong Christian. It is the only thing we have ever argued about. I felt God damn well should perform a miracle on her behalf.
It was suddenly very important for me to be able to tell Al how much he meant to me. Not so much me personally but for the joy he brought to my sister. They really are the best of what is a partnership. So on December 21 I said everything I needed to. I said good-bye.
On December 21 my parents arrived looking shell shocked. Their tickets had been bought at the end of August at a time when we had no inkling of the kind of Christmas we would be having.
On December 22 my sister's third wedding anniversary my sister and my parents and I were sitting down to eat when an emergency call came from the hospital. They wouldn't tell us anything except we needed to get down there immediately. My sister and I nipped down to the hospital where she was told they had been wrong about the type of cancer. Now we were hearing Burkett's Lymphoma and they were flying him to Vancouver in 2 hours and she could ride along. So that is how they spent their third wedding anniversary, being whisked off to Vancouver where suddenly there was a small glimmer of hope when just two hours ago we thought there was no hope.
This post has already gone one far too long. Before closing I have to give a hand clap out to all the hospital staff both here in Victoria and in Vancouver. They are amazing. Here it is the Christmas season and yes I know cancer does not take a break over the holidays but neither does our health system. I also have to thank all those people that have dropped everything to come out and help. I will definitely be blogging about you. I am in absolute awe from the kindness of friends.
Ok, this post feels a bit scrambled because I wrote it during Christmas but I post it I will and next time I will try and tie up all the loose ends. Blogger has changed their appearance while I was away. I can't find anything!
