All Good Memories But One
WARNING: This is not a happy tale. It does not have a happy sappy ending so if this season is already a difficult one I would not read further.
This ornament of the unicorn in the bell was given to me by a very special student. Of course all my students are special but her and her brother will forever hold a special place within me, a place filled with unbearable sadness, and an anger I never would have thought possible; but, mixed in with the sadness and anger some sweet, sweet memories.
I taught them both and their lives had not been easy. By the time I met them they had been adopted by an amazing family. This family really was special but sometimes intervention comes too late.
R and S were born to a mother with a lot of difficulties. Yes, I've no doubt she had a horrendous life herself but my God when you have kids you have to get your act together and there are just some things you do not do. You sure as hell do not beat your kids senseless. There are also some things we as a society should not allow. We should never allow abused children to be taken away only to be put back into the abusive situation. Abuse should be a one shot deal. You abuse a child, you never ever get them back. EVER! Well, the criminal courts disagree with me and these two lovely children were sent back.
The brother was two years older and he would hide his younger sister to try and protect her from their mother's wrath. Finally, after what must have seemed an interminable hell they were removed and the mother's rights terminated.
This allowed them to be placed up for adoption. They were 8 and 6. I started teaching them when they were 13 and 11. Not surprisingly they had both suffered irreparable neurological damage and were struggling in school. Nothing really major but struggling nonetheless. The boy started having odd outburts and suddenly this sweet natured boy was often angry and he was losing his ability to communicate verbally. His vocabulary skills and his ability to read for meaning started to plummute. It was discovered that his brain had been so badly beaten and bruised all those years ago that it was dying and so was he. It was horrible. It was a nasty, horrible death and it left his sister devastated.
She told me she thought she was partially at fault. What the hell do you say to that. I tried to tell her that he hid her because he loved her and the only thing he ever wanted was for her to have a good, happy and healthy life. We all tried telling her that. It wasn't enough and at the age of 17 she disappeared. I don't know where she is and her family does not know where she is. Someday I hope to hear from her but I know that will not happen.
So there is a lot of sadness and anger but we really did have some good times filled with laughter along the way. What happened to R was out of my hands but I fervently wish I could have saved her from the demons that took her away from us. God, I hope she's ok. I hope she's alive.
10 comments:
I really should listen to warnings more seriously. That was a heart wrenching story, but I'm glad you posted it, and that I read it. Must have been hard to write down.
It reminds me of the kids I used to work with when at Community Living. For a couple of years I ran camps in the summer and it was for children who all the other day camps wouldn't let in, for developmental delayed, and physical disabilities. One specific boy, J, was about 6 and had severe FAS and although adopted by an extremely loving family, could never escape the demons of his past, and he would act out verbally and physically because he knew no other way. I often think about him and where he is now.
Allison, it was hard to write but it was kind of cathartic at the same time. I almost deleted it this morning because I know this time of year can be especially difficult for some people.
That would have been a hard camp to work at but no doubt rewarding at the same time. When I worked at the school where I taught these two kids most of the kids came from real horrendous backgrounds and the school's philosophy was sometimes all we can do is give them a place of warmth and caring, for a few hours each week.
very touching story, just keep in mind what you did and how you helped them. This is going to come across awkwardly as I am not the best with words but....I don't wish that on anybody I think it is important for us (you in this case) to remeber them and remember what happened to them even though it saddens you greatly. It helps keep us grounded and it shapes us, makes us more compassionate...bad hurtful memories are important too....not sure if that makes sense
I've been there, I've taught a lot of kids in equally dire situations. My first year teaching was probably the year I cried the most. Unfortunately it often seems that parents, no matter how unqualified they've proven themselves to be, have more rights than the children. It's horrendous. Take some solace in the fact that you were a bright spot in their lives.
Thank you for writing this post,even though it was hard to do. I think it's important to share our stories.
Where ever R is, or what happened to her, Im sure you made a difference in her life Toccata. I never forget a kind word.
Kelly, I totally think that makes sense. I just kind of wish these things would make me smarter or more insightful in dealing with others.
John, thanks. It's tough sometimes though being unable to change things. I hate that feeling of helplessness. I know we all go through it but it still sucks.
John, the transcendence piece is coming but me being me I have ended up researching the silly topic and managed to get sidetracked on the the pentagram being held hostage by stupid dark forces! I have never managed to focus on any one thing. You have no idea the can of worms your post opened up for me!
Mellowlee it was your tribute to your friend that forced me to finally put down in words my thoughts on R and S and though it was hard it really did help. So thanks.
It's almost like you are taking the words from inside you, and sending them out into the world doesn't it. It sort of frees you up in a way.
Aw, touching stuff! :[
One always thinks that this sort of thing happens to others and is not something that will ever touch our lives. Sadly, this is not true.
How very sad and frustrating. Those poor kids didn't have a chance, but at least you got to make a difference in their lives. They must have cared for you a great deal to give you that lovely ornament. I'm sure that R does remember your kindness.
Melanie, aka Mellowlee you are so right.
Dogga, I feel kind of bad that the first time you stop on by you had to see that post and with a crummy picture on top of it. Hope I didn't scare you away for good!
Barbara, I always knew I had it good growing up I just didn't know how good. I just took unconditional love for granted. It wasn't until I started teaching that I realized just how many kids are living rather desperate lives.
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