Went for a Walk and Left Dignity Behind
Behind my house there's a little path that takes you to a gate that leads to a scruffy little park with one park bench and then a small windy back way to a major street. It's a favorite shortcut because it's quiet and deserted and saves me about 10 minutes from having to go the "long" way around. One day last October they decided to lock the gate and now only residents of an apartment complex can use the gate. I don't understand it. It's not as though they own the park and it's also not as though that gate closes off the apartment building. It seems like it must be an illegal locking of a gate for no good reason but to be annoying.
Yesterday would have ended up much differently if the first time I had encountered the lock I wasn't meeting someone on the other side. "Great, now what do I do?" If I backtrack I'm going to be really late. What to do , what to do? It was dark, no one was around so I climbed the fence. That would later prove my undoing. Of course once I climbed it the first time it seemed ridiculous to walk all the way around when I could just climb the fence. It's not very high, maybe six feet. No harm.
Yesterday my luck ran out. I was half way over when I snagged my pants on a nail and found myself stuck. So there I was trying to free my pants while not toppling over when suddenly a stupid little snapping, yapping terrier appears and starts jumping at my leg in hot pursuit by none other than a shovel wielding gardener.
"Hey, kid what the hell are you doing?" Are you kidding me, I'm stuck what does it look like!
So now I'm frantically trying to get unstuck fast without ripping my pants and without the stupid terrier biting off my fingers or foot and of course with speed comes the inevitable butter finger syndrome. When the man gets up close he takes a double take as he can now clearly see I am no kid. Not even close to being a kid. "How old are you?"
Hmm, how old am I? I want to lie. I just don't know which way to lie. I'm about 30 years too old to be of an acceptable fence climbing age, on the other hand I'm thinking it might be kind of cool if a really old person was trying to climb a fence. But, I am so squarely in the unacceptable range there is no hope for me. "Would you please tell your dog to stop snapping at my foot."
I decided enough was enough and I just grabbed my snagged pants and had to tear them a bit to get my leg free so I could get my butt on the other side of the fence away from the shovel wielding gardener and yappy dog. It was a rather hard tumble and as I tried to collect myself with as much dignity as possible I heard him yell, "Hippie."
I think my fence climbing days are done. Well, at least during daylight hours.
27 comments:
"Hippie" LOL!
I think you're brave for trying to climb the fence, even as a kid I was never quite able to master that skill. Its my wish in another life I can do the run and jump over smaller fences.
Allison, at my height there's no hope of my jumping over even smaller fences, that's probaly why I can climb.
I've always been an abysmal fence climber (more of a fence-sitter myself harhar).
What a lot of nerve on that evil snappy-dog-owning gardener to ask your age! Too bad you weren't the one with the shovel.
And the sign said anybody caught trespassing would be shot on sight
So I jumped on the fence and yelled at the house, Hey! what gives you the right?
;-)
Lol, "Hippie"
But it's really stupid that they locked the gate. But do you know someone living in that apartment complex? Maybe you could get the key...
i'm sorry your dignity suffered but man,is that a funny story!
i'm with evelyne.. hippie is too funny. i had no idea hippies climbed fences. ;)
Barbara, I kind of decide my fence climbing days should be over and done with. I think he was just so darn shocked not to find some delinquent kid!
Whitenoise, hahaha! I like that, I'm going to have to remember that one.
Evelyne, I do know someone there. I guess it depends on how the keys work if they are only for the fence or if they work for the apartment complex as well.
668 neither did I. I also thought, "Hey, I don't look like a hippie!" Do you see why I thought of you?
see, every time i see someone on a fence i'm going to want to yell out "hippie!"
haha, i would have yelled "hey, i'm no freakin' hippie!" and then probably fall, further embarrassing myself.
yes, i see the connection. as i think i have said before, i can't even go to the bathroom most days, without something happening.
668, heehee, I'm glad you saw the connection. I think maybe your bad influence on me.
whooo hooo!
i'm not laughing honest
were you wearing your hippie hat by any chance?
(please appreciate the kinder gentler kelly, who did not make an age related comment)
God, what a maniac....I probably would've been inclined to yell something back at him from the other side like, "get a real dog". Jerk.
Good one whitenoise! Always loved that one.
Five Man Electrical Band, from good ol' Ottawa, Ontario. ;-)
Hi Hippie.
Glad I took a few minutes to catch the blog.
I really enjoyed your story. And laughed; I can totally imagine that situation. It's something I would do. Ha.
Heeee! The hippie comment made me laugh too! What nerve of the guy asking you your age, when he SHOULD have been more concerned with helping you down, the CUMUDEON! hmph! I've never been a good climber myself.
Kelly, I like how even in your kinder gentler form you can still manage to sneak in the age thing.
Deb, all I can say is thank goodness he didn't have a real dog! I would have been done in for sure.
Whitenoise, I had no idea that was from a song and a Canadian one at that.
Busterp, glad you were able to take some time away from the dreaded tax season. Not many more days. Hang in there.
Mellowlee, I should ask him to build me a step ladder!
Thankfully you didn't do any damage - and how says you're too old to be fence hopping?
This story was hilarious. Too bad someone didn't take pictures ... oh wait ... I think someone did. Yeah, I saw them on that one site. They were so funny! :)
"Hippie!"
He says that like it's a bad thing...
Danny tagalog, only my pride was damaged and it will survive.
Leazwell, love the book and the movie. I'm happy to report that it's one of the required books in the B.C. high school curriculum.
Dan, hello there. Yikes, just the thought of my being stuck up on a fence on Youtubes is enough to make me shudder and look over my shoulder!
Johnny Yen, I was like, "Hippie? What on earth?" I prefer to think he meant it as a compliment. Ha!
Hahaha, now that's funny!!! LOL - You big kid... but experiencing stuff like that makes you feel alive do you not think?
Great post and you're never too old to climb fences :]
I took a picture of a hippie-related bumper-sticker while I was in Seattle. I'll post it in my next post or two-- you'll laugh.
Dogga, I would feel just as alive and far less sheepish if I hadn't got caught in the act. I'm still taking the shortcut over the fence but now I'm keeping my out for any lurking gardeners with little dogs.
Johnny Yen, I look forward to seeing your bumper sticker.
Leazwell, grade six seems pretty young for that novel. I remember Lord of the Flies used to be a grade 7 novel but then they raised it to grade 11 because in grade 7 the symbolism was completely lost on most of the kids. I sometimes wish more of the old classics were taught because otherwise students are never introduced to certain authors.
ok get your hippie ass on here, time for something new
Hippie? When you are far enough away from being embarrassed (as would I be as well), it's kind of cool to be called a hippie. Really. It's a groovy thing.
Speaking of fences, have you ever read Naomi Klein's blog/site nologo.org? She has a great fence analopgy.
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